“Inevitable Destination or Codified Curse”?

Unfathom · by Unfathom on Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:51 am

According to Hindu mythology, all the people who take birth on this earth are the dolls playing their character given by “God” and followed by “Karma” as destiny to direct them throughout their lives. On the other hand science defines; whatever we do throughout our life, the main purpose for a person to take birth is just for “gene transformations”. Standing in the line of fire between my culture where I am groomed and the other side of science with experiments of truth and facts, the above two conclusions are still unfathomable to me. I believe only “God” can rip an unsolved mystery inside my heart.

As far as the definition of life is concerned, people give opinion on the basis of their own experience, the environment they are groomed in, the religion that they follow and the society and the country they are living in. Therefore, I believe it is necessary for us to understand to live quality of life than to understand meaning of life. Dominating all other living beings on this earth, the most superior with a capacity of a fifth sense that is the thinking power, human beings, Latin name “Homo sapiens”, men and a women have come across the 21st century. Well, I am also not sure how far we have been able to utilize our fifth sense but I would like to illustrate the concept of my topic “Inevitable, Destination or Codified Curse” in the context of Nepal.

One common definition “two sides of one coin” that defines a man and a woman will always remain controversial if we start finding out differences rather than finding out similarities for stabilization and being aware of the responsibility as a human. “Men avoid pain as an undeserved punishment; women accept it as a cultural heritage” is the reality that we are seeing in our Nepalese society. Many contradictions and controversies in the voices of people have arisen regarding women’s development in Nepal. But it may be very hard even for the NGO’s, INGO and other sectors to actively play their part in such a country where people literate, illiterate or educated are so committed towards their religious belief and moral values. Women are more devoted towards these circumstances willingly, unwillingly or forcibly in Nepal. I am not bringing contradiction to follow our religion and culture but my question would be to “what extent?”

The known unrealistic paths, avoiding self moral values, eliminating opportunities and contributing to sacrifices that have been following from ages develop into vogue as soon as a girl child takes birth. The situation is even worse when people are politically divided and spiritually blinded in their opinion. The one exception symbolizing woman as goddess “Laxmi” is only limited up to opinion. Whether it is food, toy, education, health or choosing careers, in every department women are check mated knowingly. Her natural feminine instinct is ignored by keeping her in isolation and even in cow shed during menstruation. Due to early puberty women are more mature compared to men and sisters make sacrifices for their male siblings without revolting. Only if brothers could understand their sister’s love and their sacrifices for them, they would probably argue with their parents for their sister’s rights. Whether fighting in the field of combat or climbing the highest mountain, women are being tested to an extent that challenges their natural physical abilities. Women are accustomed to face a brick in the wall in every step of their lives for smallest joy of success. Thus, we are indeed making preconceived notations and always seeing women as women and not as individuals.

In my opinion, the real test of life begins for any woman just before her marriage as she is under tremendous pressure at this stage. Definitely some homework has been done from her childhood to her marriage; learning ways of life form her parents, form society, country and her own experience. But it also depends upon whether she is able to capitalize the resources she has earned. Circumscribed by the cast system of Hindu culture, love marriages and inter-cast marriages are still not supported in Nepal. Following the norms and values from ancestral period and maintaining prestige in Nepalese community, parents choose a groom with a secure background for their daughter.

Before tying the knot of holy bond, how many times do women have to be rejected by the men coming to see them? The words of harassing comment and the eyes of a vulture seeking the prey are uncountable. To some extent it is also true that if women or men marry an individual of other cast or religion, it will be hard for them to adjust in an environment that they are new to. Parents talk on the basis of their own experience and guide their children likewise. But it’s always not possible that what parents have experienced in their life will certainly be experience by their children as well. For Nepali women, sex is the most ultimate crime above murder and if they are found to indulge in this activity or are even victimized by a rapist before marriage they will be named “prostitute”. It’s more amazing that if men are found to do so they would definitely not be named “gigolo” but may be considered as “randy” which means he has a lustful habit because he is a man and people will forget about it the second day.

“Marriage starts with the selling of daughters and giving dowry,” the one illusion that we are sensing in the mind of many people in Nepal. For women who have either love or arranged marriage, going to their husband’s house and starting a new foundation, co-operating with all the family members and their relatives, bringing up the balance of the knowledge that she has gained in her father’s house and what she will be learning in her husband’s house is very hard. It is even harder when she is not supported by other family members. “A son-in-law can always be a son, but a daughter-in-law cannot be a daughter” is the fact that we are experiencing in Nepalese community. In many families, whatsoever sacrifice is made by a daughter-in-law just to ensure that her husband, his parents or her in-laws are happy, her dues are paid by backfires with humiliation and comments. I believe this unfair assessment of daughter-in-laws and daughter-in-law’s notion towards her family leads to family disputes. In the other hand it also shows that we are not only having problem with gender equality but also with same sexes.

If Nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than “three” in a family. Laurence Housman (1865-1959) British Dramatist.
I believe, for any woman being pregnant is one of the most beautiful things in her life because it defines feminism. But this reality turns into a nightmare when she is under tremendous pressure from her family members and even from her husband just to give birth to a male child. Even if the husband is unable to produce a child, the suffering is upon the woman and the husband tends to marry another woman, which may be under pressure from his family. For men also, it is very hard either to choose the side of his wife who has left behind everything and has come to him as his dependent or to support his family which has groomed him. In this situation, many men support their wives, many their family and the remaining are neutral favoring their wives and also their family. I believe these three appearances made by the men are wrong. Men should be able to make a bond with their wives and their family members avoiding segregation and building communication which is indeed a tough task.

There are hundreds of hook-ups that we have heard and seen but to form a real bond is the most crucial factor because all the people on this earth are just surviving on the string of trust either with their family, community or country. I believe, in husband wife relationship the major abnormal fear that strikes a man is his wife may have sexual relationship with other men and that which strikes women is not just sex but maintain a serious relationship with another women. In Nepal, a woman may have or even can forgive her man if she finds that he once had a relationship after marriage with another woman but if a man finds out the same thing, what will be the percentage that will forgive their wives? There are also hundreds of breakups ending after an engagement because once people get engaged some men start thinking women as their personal property forever and I think this abnormal behavior seriously needs a treatment.

“A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing and trying to improve him.” J. B. Priestley (1894–1984), British novelist, playwright, and social commentator.It’s hard to understand why a description of an exemplarily Nepalese woman is always based on the sacrifices she has made in her life, whether it was becoming “Sati” or now remaining a “Widow” for the rest of her life, just to prove that she was and is faithful to her husband. There are hundreds and thousands of marriages either love marriages or arranged marriages founded on the basis of love and followed by sacrifice. At the end in 100 percent 90 percent of the victims are women and only the remaining 10 percent are men. Even though many marriages remain long lasting, it’s hard to say whether it was or it is a successful marriage.

I believe, in contemporary Nepal the status of women’s development is not parallel to modernization. The most influential factor that is lacking is enlightenment of women through education. The adverse impacts hampering on women’s development are the patriarchal system, superstition and orthodox beliefs. Still women’s rights are suppressed and many women are not aware of rights that they are entitled to full extent. Nepal is an under developed country and women in rural areas are isolated and in the darkness due to lack of communication with the outside world. Women are being prone to diseases, exposed to trafficking, raped and abused physically or mentally by criminals that take advantage of loose government policies toward women’s rights. Women have been and are still victimized whether it was or it is in the guidance of their parents in their father’s house or in their husband’s house. The developing concept of divorce and single mother’s rights is definitely not the ultimate solution for women’s development. May be it can lead to advantage for men and escaping away from their responsibilities as well. We cannot afford to see Nepal developing into sex tourism. All the rights that are produced in the favor of women’s development in Nepal is not going to work whether the country is “Monarchy” or a “Republic State”, unless and until the mental changes in acknowledging, understanding and respecting women through peoples mind is changed.

I believe that the true identification of Nepalese women should be known through her yielding capacities and potentials but not by her sacrifices. Even though the greatest chefs in the world are men, we cannot ignore that the head of department for the kitchen will be women. Women can bring colors and perfection in any kind of work or festivity. They do have the power either to create a war or to end the war and history has the evidence of it. They are indeed capable of resolving any kind of problems only a chance needs to be given. Many men take women as an enigma, some don't want to understand them, some think they will never understand them, some take their whole life to understand them and thus, women remain in enigma. But it is very true that both women and men are empty without each other. It is therefore necessary for both women and men to understand, respect and trust each other in order to develop the status of both sexes in our country.

I would like to dedicate this article to all the Nepalese women.